The
Stock Market
Due to today's rapidly changing stock
market, the following terms have had to be revised.
This should help investors more clearly understand today's economic condition:
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement
causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period
when the kids get no allowance the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets
no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low
and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors
wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a
nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just
downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her
lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone
has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you
buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money
makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it
to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of
when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Last year
investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in
use
