The Stock Market

The
Stock Market

Due to today's rapidly changing stock
market, the following terms have had to be revised.

This should help investors more clearly understand today's economic condition:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement
causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period
when the kids get no allowance the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets
no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low
and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors
wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a
nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just
downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her
lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone
has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you
buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money
makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it
to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of
when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Last year
investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in
use