Les Holy Angels

I just found out via email that Tony Cortesi's orphanage in Port au Prince has a website. A Blogspot at least. So I am linking here, and at Haiti.Lyalls.

wife 1.0

Remember the days when people were so excited about email and the internet that they sent jokes to lists of friends on a regular basis? That was cute, and quickly got tiresome. Here is a good one tho:

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6.

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User…..

___________________ __________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfrie nd 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear”
to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 ! and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,

Tech Support

Leopard and Toast

I installed OS X 10.5, Leopard. On the Minintel. There is a lot of talk about superfluous graphical toys, and I do not like how the new dock graphics make it hard to tell which program is running, but it is fast and smooth.

I got it installed with a re-partition (to get rid of an old FAT partition which I never used) and format, then installed the software I use, Tivo desktop, Parallels, then Roxio Toast 8. Toast would not start. Tried all kinds of stuff, deleting plist prefs files, disk utility to check permissions (some were messed up). Nothing worked. Finally, while probing settings I noticed (again) that Parallels does all kinds of fancy stuff inside the networking. They fiddle down inside the OS something scary.

So, I started all over again, installing Toast before I let Parallels look at the computer. It worked. Toast installed, the update installed fine and put Tivo to Go in there.

There is a program from Eternal Stormsto change the awful transparency of the menu bar. This is an essential.